Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
