dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
