I need to stop coming to work sober
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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