Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
