I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
