Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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