I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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