If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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