You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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