I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
