Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
