our cab driver is having phone sex.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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