I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
