I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
