No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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