she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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