Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
