I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
