Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
