great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
