We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
