I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
