I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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