I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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