He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
