thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
