I think im going to throw up on grandma
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
