U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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