everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
