Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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