If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
