dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
