do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize