Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
