yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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