I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Randomize
