I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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