You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
