Already got asked if we're dating
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
