I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize