tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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