Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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