is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
