Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
