Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
