my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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