we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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