I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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