So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
