I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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