yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
