Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
