i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
