He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
