the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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