I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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