Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
