I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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