So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
