He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
