You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
