i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
