i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
