No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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