Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
