So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
