on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
