i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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