4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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