i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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