Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
