I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
