plz talk dirty to me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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