would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You've changed since you got that strap on
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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