i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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