You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize