how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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