She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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