Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
