i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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