Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
