i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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