he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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