I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
