Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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