well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize