I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize