Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
