I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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