chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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