The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
