Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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