Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
