had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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