He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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