I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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