I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize