I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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