I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Someone came in the potted fern
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
