is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
