Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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