i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
