I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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