Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
