I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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