i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
