i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
