I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
BRING THE BAGELS
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
