So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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